walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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