Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
this will be a night to untag.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
