and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
