farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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