He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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