I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
