she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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