I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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