I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
