your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
