Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
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