Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
