Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
