I would go down on you faster than GM stock
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
pray to the hookup gods
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
