Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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