As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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