I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
you made out with another girl for some wings
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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