It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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