OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
