I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
