i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
