my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
