You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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