i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
