Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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