I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
