You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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