John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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