Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
