all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
