I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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