o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
