Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just found puke in my bra..
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Is Oprah even human
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
