I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
