There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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