he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
