Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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