just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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