I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
