Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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