Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
