Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
