guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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