i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
