i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
