I just pynch a tree in the face
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
