I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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