do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
