What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
