dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
