Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
