Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
