i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
