I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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