Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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